A brief reflection on the massive clear-out I have recently done of my clothing – I have edited my wardrobe down to about 103 items (that still sounds like an awful lot!).
One of the biggest things I’ve realised through decluttering is that we don’t always buy things because we need them. Sometimes, we buy things because of what we think they might help us become. We buy things for the person we want to be, rather than the person we actually are, and then we wonder why our homes are full of things we never use.
The Problem With Shopping for Your Ideal Self
Think about all the things you own but rarely use (especially clothes!), and consider why you bought them in the first place. Were you shopping for a more fashionable, slimmer, younger or successful version of the person you are right now?
Buying things associated with a different self-image can feel like a positive step towards becoming what you have in your mind. And I’d go so far as to say that a lot of the time, people don’t even realise they are doing this.
But owning the items and becoming the person who regularly uses those items are two completely different things.
If this kind of clutter is a problem for you, you might find my course The Stuff You Can’t Let Go Of useful – it talks you through the complex emotional reasons we hold on to things and suggests ways in which we can begin to let go.
Buying Things Doesn’t Always Motivate Behaviour
There’s a certain satisfaction in buying something that represents a positive change. Buying running shoes can feel like the beginning of getting fit, a beautiful notebook can make us imagine writing every day, and a collection of storage containers might convince us that we’re finally going to get the house organised. The purchase gives us an immediate sense of progress, even though we haven’t actually done anything else towards achieving our goal.
I think this is where we can get ourselves into trouble, because preparing to do something is much easier than actually doing it, and buying items an imagined future version of yourself is going to use can become a substitute for taking action right now.
Of course, sometimes buying something genuinely does encourage us to build a new habit, but how often have you bought something with great enthusiasm, only to find that a few weeks later it’s sitting unused in a cupboard?
And then, rather than motivating you to keep going or even get started, its presence becomes a reminder of something you haven’t done.
When Physical Clutter Becomes Emotional Clutter
This is the part I find particularly interesting, because we tend to think of clutter as a purely physical problem involving too many possessions, but the things we own can carry a surprising amount of emotional baggage, particularly when we’ve bought them with the expectation that they’ll somehow help us become a better version of ourselves.
That unused exercise equipment isn’t simply taking up space anymore; it’s reminding us that we haven’t exercised. The dress we didn’t slim down into is another reminder of the weight we still need to lose. Instead of making us feel enthusiastic about the possibilities ahead, these possessions then leave us feeling guilty, disappointed or frustrated.
I’ve absolutely experienced this myself, and I’ve realised that keeping things around to remind me of what I ought to be doing doesn’t necessarily make me any more likely to do it. In fact, sometimes it has the opposite effect, because the constant reminder of my perceived shortcomings becomes something I’d rather avoid.
Your home must support the life you’re living, not be a constant reminder of the life you think you ought to be living.
How To Stop Buying Things You Don’t Need
The answer isn’t to stop wanting to improve yourself, because there’s nothing wrong with wanting to become fitter, healthier, more organised or more creative. Instead, it’s about learning to separate the desire to change from the desire to buy something, and recognising that the two don’t necessarily need to happen at the same time.
Another useful question to ask is whether you could start doing whatever it is you want to do without buying anything at all.
If you want to become someone who exercises regularly, you could establish a walking habit three times a week before investing in running shoes. If you’d like to cook more from scratch, you could start using the kitchen equipment you already own rather than buying another appliance.
Make the change first and buy what you genuinely need when you need it.
Decluttering Versions Of Yourself
Sometimes the difficulty in letting go comes from the feeling that we’re giving up on the person we hoped we’d become. But getting rid of a sewing machine doesn’t mean you can never learn to sew, just as donating a pile of unread books doesn’t mean you’re abandoning the idea of becoming someone who reads more.
It simply means you’re choosing not to pursue these things right now. With space at an all time premium (especially here in the UK), it’s rarely worth the sacrifice to store endless things we might use “one day”.
The more I’ve decluttered, the more I’ve come to appreciate the value of being realistic about the things I actually enjoy, the way I spend my time, and what I genuinely need in my home.
Perhaps the most important takeaway I have learned and would like to share is that you don’t need to buy the things associated with the person you want to become before you can start becoming that person.
And sometimes, the best thing you can do for both your home and your peace of mind is to stop shopping for the person you think you should be, and start making decisions based on the person you actually are.
